Life Is A Pilgrimage

My church just finished a sermon series on Psalm 23. To be honest, at first, I couldn’t really get into it. I’m a bit of an anti-personality: I never had school spirit, I refused to wear current trends, or like popular actors. I chalk it up to more psychological effects of coping with moving so often. With each new place, different things were popular, and rather than try to keep up, I found people who didn’t care either to be my friends. All that being said, Psalm 23 is super common for people to be familiar with and to be quoted all the time, so I didn’t think it was my jam. However, this was the last week of the sermon series, and the Lord met with me very loudly in that sanctuary.

I am currently trying to apply for a summer mission trip because my Spain internship is officially canceled after being postponed for two years. I want my fundraising to carry over, so I looked at options through the same organization, and one location really jumped out at me. I’m super excited about it but also a little nervous. It’s different from anything I’ve experienced and, therefore, out of my comfort zone. While it’s adventurous and fun, I have to battle my anxious side who doesn’t like the unknown.

I’m sitting in the pew, and the pastor reminds the congregation that it’s a high cost to follow Jesus. I simultaneously think, “YEAH!” in a sports game-style cheer and “Yeah…” in a Nervous Nellie way. I’m worried about the unknown and the safety of a young, single, white woman in this location. I start to feel God say to me that I’m right and that I very well might die there.

“What?! Then I’m not going,” is my immediate gut response.

“Really? If I told you to go you would stay rather than share the gospel? You know you could die here in Minot this summer just as well.” The Lord seemed to press this answer on my heart.

I felt humbled by my Moses “send someone else!” reaction. I literally had just read about Moses coming up with excuses when he was standing on the Holy ground in front of the burning bush. I thought, “You’re right, Lord. I will be obedient and go for the gospel. I want to go--even if it means dying. Forgive me for wanting to preserve my own life.” It truly is a privilege to suffer for the gospel. In all honesty, it would be an honor to die a martyr (and it would be the best comfort for my parents in response to a young death). But my selfish desire was for my husband. I didn’t want to leave him so young. It really is true that God cursed Adam and Eve after they sinned and told Eve that her desire would be for her husband. And in my most selfish, sinful heart (which of course I’ll share with everyone on the internet…), I don’t want my husband to remarry after me; I want to be his one and only. And I for sure don’t want anyone else having his babies! But, God told me that that’s out of my control, and I have to let that go.

Sitting in the church service, I told God I want to love him more so it doesn’t hurt so much to think about losing my life. I mean, I wish I could love God 100% so I never was sinful or selfish again, but alas, I don’t think that’s an option. Only Jesus is perfect. I will have to keep fighting the battle against my flesh. But back to the sermon, my pastor tells us that this passage has taught us to see life as a pilgrimage--a long, sacred journey of devotion to a sacred home. He also referenced Hebrews 11, which is the passage I’m memorizing! God does love to tie all the pieces together. Verses 14-16 say, “Now those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. For if they were thinking about where they came from, they would have had an opportunity to return. But they now desire a better place--a heavenly one. Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God for he has prepared a city for them.” This world is not our home! This life is a pilgrimage because we are sojourners and the feet of the gospel.

After the Lord showed me all this, I reread Psalm 23. I encourage you to reread it. I wrote down, “I’ve never seen Psalm 23 as so comforting before. It is a pilgrimage. It’s scary, but this world is not our home. Lead me, Lord. I want to love death for you better than life with my husband.” Whether I go to this location or somewhere else this summer, I am going to carry Psalm 23 with me as a reminder that the Lord is with me and I shall not want anything else. And no matter what I experience, I will consider it pure joy to suffer (James 1:2-3).