Identity, Firstborns, & Imposter Syndrome

In my quiet time, I reached the familiar story of King Ahab and Jezebel stealing Naboth’s vineyard in 1 Kings 21. After God confronts him through Elijah, Ahab humbles himself before the Lord. The Lord has mercy on Ahab, the worst king of Israel thus far. God is just, yet He had immeasurable grace for a sinner who just murdered a man for his property.

Then in my Bible study, we read Genesis 25-27 and discussed Jacob and Esau. Jacob took Esau’s birthright and stole his father’s blessing. God had prophesied that Esau would serve Jacob even though Esau was the firstborn.

I was again struck by how God not only allowed Jacob to deceive Isaac but also chose Jacob to carry the seed (from Abraham to Jesus). He chose Judah and Tamar, even though her twins were conceived from Judah sleeping with his daughter-in-law disguised as a prostitute. I am constantly rationalizing how God allows sin to happen and uses it for His good, but here are biblical characters whom God mercifully chose despite their pride, deception, and sin!

Although Esau was Isaac’s firstborn, Jacob (later named Israel) was called God’s firstborn. When Jesus came, He was identified as the true firstborn:

Being a firstborn has the benefits of a larger blessing and double portion. But it also comes with more responsibility. In my Bible study, they talked about how firstborns commonly struggle with imposter syndrome—the gap between our title and how we see our competency. Firstborns are often expected to set the example, yet feel incompetent at maintaining that identity.

When we become believers, we become co-heirs with Christ and share the title of firstborn in the family of God. The world watches for us to fail like younger siblings might watch for their older siblings, “the model children,” to slip up. We know that we are constantly facing our sins and failings and might feel like a bad example.

I hadn’t felt imposter syndrome as heavily until becoming a missionary. For some reason, I’ve put higher expectations on myself and perceive others doing the same for me. But the problem is, I know that I’m just as prideful and sinful as before missions!

Thankfully, I know that I haven’t accomplished any of this. God chose me like He chose a sinful younger brother (Jacob) to carry His seed. He sent His son to die for my sins because I couldn’t commune with Him any other way. Being a firstborn in Christ shows His competency, not my own. I am merely a vessel to do His will—when I am obedient and don’t get in the way of His plan!

I share this to encourage you today: There’s nothing you can do to earn God’s love and forgiveness. There’s nothing you can do to increase your worth. You are already worth everything to God; He sent His own Son to prove that! If you have asked for forgiveness for your sins, you can go ahead and accept that forgiveness. Don’t keep punishing yourself if the Almighty Creator of the universe has forgiven you and called you His child. That is your identity.